david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm both gender and math confused
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
