Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize