I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
