dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize