guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
