I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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