I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize