ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
