You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
