zippers are such a cool invention
Actions speak louder than pants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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