I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize