Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You are a genius and a whore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
