you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize