Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
