? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
