I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
