I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
