I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize