I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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