its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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