i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
