sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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