My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
