I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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