Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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