i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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