We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize