i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
