I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
