it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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