No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
