if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
