You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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