Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
