So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
