TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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