its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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