dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
