I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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