Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
