So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize