too bad you live with your parents still
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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