Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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