I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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