did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
