I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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