the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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