She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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