The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
