If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
