TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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