Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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