Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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