Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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