somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
