so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize