Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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