Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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