They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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