just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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