would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
