Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
