The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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