Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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