You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
