Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
