Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
