i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
