I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
