I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize