this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
