That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
