oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
