just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
