mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Randomize
