I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
