my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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